Flavor of the Weak
Artist – American Hi-Fi
Song – Flavor of the Weak
Album – American Hi-Fi (2001)
In 2001, I was not a very good person. I was 22 years old, had a girlfriend who treated me wonderfully, and was an utter and complete asshole. I lived in an apartment that you could barely even call an apartment. It had a bathroom with a shower under the staircase (where you couldn’t even stand up in the tub), no oven/range, and was actually in the back of a commercial building on Main Street in the town I lived in at the time. My roommate was our landlord’s son, and we were getting a sweet deal: pay $100/month each, with all utilities included and free internet. We were gamers, so this last bit was very important. Best of all, we had access to the floor above us, which was just a large empty space where we kept our Bowflex and worked out, and access to the roof. The roof was particularly awesome, just pea gravel with a few tables, Christmas lights hung around the perimeter, and three stories above the downtown. We could turn up our music at night, have a party, and no neighbors were around to complain due to being in a commercial zone. While the apartment was a dump, and my roommate (also my best friend) and I actually shared a bedroom, we had all the freedom and amenities we wanted.
Back to my girlfriend…she was a few years younger than me, somewhat out of my league in the looks department, and she loved me to death. Almost too much…I felt somewhat smothered sometimes. I was in a 50’s throwback rock band called the Rezistors (yes, I know it’s mis-spelled), was the kitchen manager at a local Chicago-style pizza joint, and was going to college at a local university I was pretty unhappy at. My family was in a shambles, and while I wasn’t completely on my own, I wasn’t close to family. Most of my time was spent with my roommate, my co-workers, my bandmates and the circle of folks who were in our band clique, and my girlfriend.
After nearly a year with my girlfriend, I was at the point where I was feeling very pressured and smothered, with my every move and the company I kept when she was not around constantly being questioned. I think she felt me pulling away from her and was trying to hold on with all her might to her douchenozzle of a boyfriend.
The tipping point was a simple trip to the next town over. I was going to Todd’s house to hang out for the evening, and my girlfriend was feeling ill. But her family was having dinner together in a town I was passing through, and she asked if I could drop her at the restaurant they were dining at. I had a new (to me, at least) car that I’d owned only a few weeks at this point, and I was understandably worried about her being sick in my new ride, but I capitulated and agreed to give her a ride to the Cracker Barrel her family was eating at.
When we were just about 5 minutes away from the restaurant, my girlfriend started fanning herself and stating “I’ve got to throw up!” I was in the left lane, and was frantically trying to get over into the right lane so I could pull over and let her throw up outside the car. But unfortunatelyshe leaned forward, and just sprayed vomit all over my dashboard. It seeped into the dash vents, into the A/C vents, and every nook and cranny it could find. I started panicking and implored her to throw up into the floorboard instead, which she promptly did. A few minutes later, we arrived at the restaurant, I dropped her off, and I headed to Todd’s.
Upon arrival at Todd’s, I told him the story of the trip. Understandably, he laughed his ass off then proceeded to arm me with all the car cleaning supplies he could muster: Armor-All Wipes, paper towels, trash bags, and the like. He pulled up a lawn chair in the parking lot, brought out a radio, and cracked open a beer while I cleaned puke out of my car.
While I was scrubbing vomit out of the nooks and crannies of my now-defiled car, “Flavor of the Weak” came on the radio. I remember listening to the song from a more personal lens (it had been out several months at this point), paying attention to the lyrics in a way I never had. The ironic part was, I realized I was that asshole boyfriend the band sings about in the song, too weak to break up with a girl who was better off with someone who actually wanted to be with her.
I summoned up the courage to be a man and break up with her, in person, just a few days later. The rest is history, but it’s this song that helped me realize that I had some serious deficiencies in my life that I needed to address before I was a fit partner for any woman.
